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Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect, by Jonice Webb
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Running on Empty is the first self-help book about Emotional Neglect: an invisible force from your childhood which you can't see, but may be affecting you profoundly to this day. It is about what didn't happen in your childhood, what wasn't said, and what cannot be remembered.
Do you sometimes feel as if you're just going through the motions in life? Are you good at looking and acting as if you're fine, but secretly feel lonely and disconnected? Perhaps you have a fine life and are good at your work, but somehow it's just not enough to make you happy.
If so, you are not alone. The world is full of people who have an innate sense that something is wrong with them. Who feel they live on the outside looking in, but have no explanation for their feeling and no way to put it into words. Who blame themselves for not being happier.
If you are one of these people, you may fear that you are not connected enough to your spouse, or that you don't feel pleasure or love as profoundly as others do. Perhaps when you do experience strong emotions, you have difficulty understanding or tolerating them. You may drink too much, or eat too much, or risk too much, in an attempt to feel something good.
In over twenty years of practicing psychology, many people have arrived in Jonice Webb's office, driven by the threat of divorce or the onset of depression, or by loneliness, and said, ""Something is missing in me.""
Running on Empty will give you clear strategies for how to heal, and offers a special chapter for mental health professionals. In the world of human suffering, this book is an Emotional Smart Bomb meant to eradicate the effects of an invisible enemy.
- Sales Rank: #711869 in Books
- Published on: 2014-02-12
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 9.02" h x .69" w x 5.98" l, 1.18 pounds
- Binding: Hardcover
- 250 pages
From the Author
Writing Running on Empty has been one of the most profound experiences of my life. Recognizing, talking about and sharing the concept of Childhood Emotional Neglect has changed not just the way I treat my patients, but also the way I see the world. My goal is to bring this powerful, invisible force out of the darkness, into the light of day. I want us all to have the ability to see it and talk about it, and stop passing it down to one generation after another. I hope you will find Running on Empty readable, enjoyable, and validating, just as I intended it to be.
About the Author
Jonice Webb has a PhD in clinical psychology, and has been licensed to practice since 1991. She has a strong background in research, psychological testing and psychotherapy. Webb has been the Director of three large outpatient clinics over the course of her career. She currently has a private psychotherapy practice in Lexington, MA, where she specializes in the treatment of couples and adolescents. Webb currently resides in the Boston area with her husband and two children.
Most helpful customer reviews
131 of 135 people found the following review helpful.
it was like the author knew my family
By Naomi D.
I read this book 4 days ago and already its completely changed my life. I have been trying to figure out for decades now why, despite success in many areas of my life and seemingly solid family of origin, I have always had anxiety and trouble with relationships and connecting with other people. My kids seem to be inheriting this, and since my older child was diagnosed with depression and anxiety a few years ago, I've always had this suspicion that its at least partly my fault, or that something I was doing was causing this. I've had trouble connecting with my kids and being that loving family everyone else seems to have, but for the life of me i couldn't figure out how to fix it. I read tons of parenting books, all would help a bit, but none really got to the root of the issue. Finally I googled "am I causing child's anxiety" and it led me to an article referencing this book. I downloaded the book and immediately recognized myself and my family of origin in this book...wow. It was intense. But spot on. Page after page after page, it was like the author knew my family, watched my childhood, and now was predicting how I was repeating this pattern with my own kids. I wasn't giving my kids the emotional support they desperately needed because i had not received it myself and had no idea what I didn't know. But all is not lost, as the author provides guidance on fixing this. And it all makes so much sense. I read the book in one night and started implementing the tools right away, and the results were immediate and drastic. My tween daughter and I had a lengthy conversation about what's been going on in her life, and just by doing what the author suggests - identify, accept, attribute, act - she poured her heart out to me for 2 straight hours, at least twice saying "I've never told anybody this..." Wow. Just wow. The next day, I continued to do this. I thought it would be difficult, but its not, its easy, and very quickly started to come naturally. My younger child also started talking more openly to me. We're having great dinner conversation. The kids haven't been fighting, and when they do instead of yelling or getting mad at them for bickering, I'm approaching it from the perspective of IAAA, and the fights have fizzled immediately on their own! Its like magic. I am so thankful to the author. My only regret was not having read this 20 years ago!!!
108 of 114 people found the following review helpful.
I recommend it solely for identification purposes and not healing purposes.
By DebraJ
I had this book at my house for quite a while but never read it. I think by the time it arrived in the mail I had forgotten why I ordered it in the first place. Anyway, I was doing a google search and the book came up and I remembered that I already had the book at the house. I read the first 100 pages in a day. The author gave you the characteristics of parents that may result in emotionally neglected children:
1. Narcissistic parent
2. Authoritarian parent
3. Permissive parent
4. Bereaved parent: Divorced or widowed
5. Addicted parent (not just to drugs or alcohol)
6. Depressed parent
7. Workaholic parent
8. Parent with a special needs family member
9. Achievement or perfection focused parent
10. Sociopathic parent
11. Child as parent
12. The Well-Meaning Parent
The quote that stood out to me is this: "Emptiness seems like nothing to most peop. And nothing is nothing, neither good or bad. But in the case of a human beings' internal functioning, nothing is definitely something. Emptiness is actually a feeling in and of itself."
The author gave you descriptions of the parent and gave you examples of clients. I was so engrossed by the connection I was feeling to what I felt my issue was and was ecstatic to find this book. In fact, I plan to keep it for my continued journey using various methods of healing.
Sadly, the methods given by the author were things I have already done that didn't work. The characteristics of someone running on empty that are not easily dismissed are shame at being different and emptiness that will not go away.
The exercises and suggestions in the book, like self soothers and writing exercises and so forth, only mask the underlying issue. I don't think the book is helpful for resolving the empty or shame or flawed feeling but the book is great for identifying your issues and your parent issues. I recommend it solely for identification purposes and not healing purposes.
247 of 258 people found the following review helpful.
Finally a term for this beast that's been haunting me my whole life
By MeeShellK
It took me years to finally meet with a therapist. My life was great--right? Plenty of friends, great career...so why this dark, heavy feeling I always carried around? What WAS it? Well my therapist encouraged me to pick up Running on Empty and I finally have the answer.
The book's author, Dr. Jonice Webb, describes and coins the term, "emotional neglect" with such detail and accuracy it's almost scary. Who knew how common this is and that others feel this way too?? I literally laughed and cried throughout the book.
And just when I started to think, "oh goodness, am I repeating this pattern with my own children?" Dr. Webb writes, "The effects of Emotional Neglect can be reversed. And you're about to learn how to reverse those parental patterns for yourself, and for your children. Keep reading. No self-blame allowed.". (How did she KNOW that's where I was going??).
As you can see, I highly recommend this book. The topic resonated with me and the writing style was flowing, kind and easy to understand. Thank you!
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